Somebody Turn the Lights On
by GlassEmotions
Summary: Spock is having trouble getting to sleep, one thought plagued his mind.


**Somebody Turn the Lights On**

Spock analyzed his quarters. In comparison to his quarters at Starfleet, this one was more than a little small. If you walked into his room at Starfleet, you would find random pieces of Vulcan artwork and literature. This room... Well it left a lot to be desired. The walls were the same color as the ship, and the only things that occupied the room were a bed and sofa. Of course, none of this bothered Spock.

However, he was troubled.

Vulcans naturally needed less sleep than humans. Even though he is only half Vulcan, he found this to still be quite true. Three nights ago he had tried to get some sleep after not having any for a solid week and a half, only to find that he couldn't.

One thought would not leave his mind, and when he couldn't use his logic to get rid of it... he grew uneasy. And without sleep, he was reaching the end of his endurance. There was a certain darkness under his eyes, and his mind felt a little hazy. He couldn't let this affect the ship's performance, and therefore decided to confront the troublesome thought head on.

He uncharacteristically paced his quarters until a knock was heard at the door. As he called for them to enter, he stopped in place. That's when he saw her; a sight for his sore eyes. He watched as she stepped in, her hair moving from the slight wind that the door made as it closed, and allowed a small smile to grace his lips. Worry marked her beautiful features as she went slowly towards him. He felt like hell, and could only imagine what he looked like.

She stood before him, and looked up to meet his gaze. Losing all formalities and forgetting protocol, she placed one of her hands on the side of his cheek. Her thumb softly caressed the darkness under his eyes. The look that she was giving him only made his uneasiness grow, so he placed his hand on hers to gently remove it. If he was going to do this, he had to do it now.

Keeping her hand in his, he pulled her over to the barren couch. He had thought that perhaps sitting down would somehow make forming his words easier; however, as he looked into her chocolate eyes his words escaped him. It was she who spoke first.

"McCoy said you wanted to see me..." Her voice trailed off, sounding uncertain. When he only looked at her, she continued. "He said that you were having trouble sleeping, even with the medicine he gave you." Spock glanced at the floor beside his shoe, unable to look at her. He had hoped that the doctor would have left that part out. Vulcans normally didn't take medication unless it was unavoidable. They preferred to meditate until their ailments went away. And her knowing that made him feel weak and ashamed.

He felt her gently squeeze his hand, and looked up at her. She leaned in closer and tilted her head slightly.

"Why can't you sleep, Spock?" Her voice was kind, but firm. "Tell me."

He looked down at their joined hands, and slowly began to speak.

"It seems that when I close my eyes, I am plagued by a certain thought."

As his voice trailed off, she gave his hand another squeeze.

"What thought?"

"Nyota I believe that I owe you an apology."

As he glanced up, he saw the surprise on her face.

"A-An apology? For what?"

He took a deep breath and began.

"If you will remember, at the beginning of our mission I had assigned you to work aboard the _Farragut_ in order to avoid the appearance of favoritism. He waited for her to nod until he continued. With your advanced skills in xenolinguistics, you were clearly better suited to work aboard the _Enterprise_. However, I thought it best that we be away from each other in order to keep suspicion away from our relationship."

"I still don't understand, Spock... I'm aboard the _Enterprise_ right now, with you."

She saw the conflict in his eyes, and when he spoke again his voice sounded rough and thick. He looked past her, out his window.

"If you had not come to me, and demanded that you be assigned to the _Enterprise... _Then right now you would be..." He had intended on finishing his sentence, but he knew that if he spoke another word then his voice would betray him. Instead he narrowed his brow and fixed his eyes upon the stars that were passing his window.

As the pieces of the puzzle clicked in Nyota's mind, she immediately felt sick. If she hadn't fought to be on the _Enterprise_, she would surely be dead right now. Of course this vaguely crossed her mind when they arrived at the ambush site only to see the debris of Starfleet ships all around them. However, at the time she didn't have a chance to mourn the loss of her classmates and think about the "what if's." Even when the thought did cross her mind, she had never blamed Spock.

Now, seeing him try so hard to stifle the emotion showing in his eyes tore her at her heart.

She pulled her legs underneath her and scooted as close to him as she could. Holding one of his hands in her lap, she used her other hand to cup the side of his face, forcing him to look at her.

"You're feeling guilty? For something that didn't happen?"

"If you had gone to where I had initially assigned you, then--"

"But it didn't happen." She surprised herself at how strong her voice was.

"Nyota..."

"No. Spock, listen to me. _It didn t happen._ I'm still here."

His expression softened, but his eyes still hinted at his anguish. She moved to put both of his hands on her face.

"See? I m still here." She gave him a small smile.

They stayed like that for a moment; each memorizing the other's face. After a while, he pulled her into his arms.

"If I had lost you, Nyota, I do not know what I would have done." He whispered into her hair.

"But you didn't." She clung to him tighter, and looked up to meet his eyes. His lips twitched upward into a smile that was reserved for only her.

"It would seem so."

Seeing that his sadness was gone, Nyota smiled her brightest smile and kissed him gently on the lips. She drew back, and laughed.

"Now come on. It's time for you to get some sleep."

Grabbing his hand, she tugged on him until he stood up. When he went to lie down on his bed, she took a spot next to him.

"You are not required on the bridge?"

"Nope." She snuggled up next to him. "Kirk told me I was on break until I got you to sleep. He s worried about you too, you know."

"I was not aware that my sleep pattern was his primary concern."

She smiled at him. "He considers you a friend now."

He raised one eyebrow. "Fascinating."

She laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Enough talking. It's time for you to sleep."

Nyota propped herself up on one elbow, and began to hum a tune from her childhood. She saw the curious look on his face, and stopped to explain.

"I thought you might fall asleep faster if you listened to some music. Seeing as how we don't have any music in here I thought I could make some for you."

His lips quirked into a smile again. "Please continue."

Smiling, she rested her head against his shoulder. She began to hum again, and moments later he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
